~~~~~~

[Applause turns to laughter as the Host walks out wearing sandals and a robe on his tuxedo. If you look closer the robe and the sandals are made by Versace.]

Host:  All right, wise guys, let's get this decided once and for all!
Who's the Host?

[Suddenly, fireworks go off loudly.  The Host lies prone on the stage.]

Jauk: I AM.  And you owe me...a great awards presentation!

[Shining Host jumps up.]

Host:  Oh, is that it? That's no problem, boss.  Welcome to the
First Annual Vampire Awards, where the question on everyone's mind is: Who will win the award for the wittiest vampire?  Ladies and
gentlemen, the Vampire Awards Priests Dancers!

[Applause.  Twenty-three dancers, each one representing an Infectious Truth, come out and perform a truly amazing dance number during the following song.]

Who's gonna win?
Who's gonna win?
Who's gonna win?

It's Vampire Awards time, it's the hour,
Time for us to ask who's witty enough to win,
Who out there will be given the honour?
It's time to let the vampire awards show begin!

Host: Ladies and gentlemen, Capadocious!

CAP (solo): They never stop laughing at me,
Those vampires that I adore,
All those pranks about me just don't matter,
Beause I'm worth a million or four.

[Applause.]

Host: Ladies and gentlemen, the Priests of Lies!

ALL:  Shining Host locked us in a Temple,
And the mailbox is always humming,
The High Priest says we can come out
When the fan letters run out
POLLUX (solo): But they just keep on coming!

[Applause.]

It's Vampire Awards time, it's the hour,
The heart pounds and the throat is knotted,
Who out there will be given the honour?
Let's get the award fot the wittiest started!

Who's gonna win?
Who's gonna win?
Who's gonna win?

[Thunderous applause.  Shining Host returns.]

HOST:  So here we are for the award of the Wittiest Dittiest, Vampire with the best clever retorts.  The nominees for Best Clever Retorts are:

Capadocious!

> I will find no pleasure in your death. It will all be found in the time just before that.

[Applause.]

Um, Shining Host!

> Dare to be stupid. Ok, you can stop.

[Applause.]

Pollux!

> If you even dream of beating me you'de better wake up and apologize.

[Applause.]

evilive_inc!

> Huh??

[Applause.]

And finally, Sartori!

> Many a ship I found, And then I sunk or burn'd

[Applause.]

HOST: And the award goes to...[opens envelope]... evilive_inc!

[The band plays "Theme from Rawhide."]

HOST: Oh, yeah!  Come on up here OLD buddy, I mean new friend and accept this WELL deserved award...

~~~~~~

 

*evilive watched the show with a smile in his face. The Shining Host
presented the award and the nominees. He chuckled when the Host named him among the rest, with a silly quote. "So obvious" he thought to himself, rolling his eyes. He walked towards the stage calmly, rising his hands and turning right and left with a smile, thankful for the audience ovation. He did put a hand in his pocket and took a pair of latex gloves out. He put them on while climbing the stair of the
stage, and arrived right next to the Host, and tlaked to the mic:*

"Well thanks, though I'm neither your old buddy nor your new friend,
I must concede, your quote of me was a good one, pity that your wit
just showed up now instead of earlier, huh? Maybe if that would have
been the case, you would have won... But *shrugging* oh well,
unlife´s like this, maybe next year, if I retired... Better luck next
time!"

*That said, he stole the award from the Hosts hands with a fast move of his fingers, greeted the audience once more raising his hands in
the air, and exited the stage, placing the award in a little plastic bag he took out from another of his pockets. Almost reaching the bar, he took the gloves off and threw them in a trash can that was near there, then took seat by Em's side again "Babe, please remind me of
sterilizing this last award once we're back home" He kissed her and
sighed, wondering how many times more he might have to stand up from his seat that night.

 

~~~~~~

 

Click here as the show continues and Gypsum presents the award for worst public apology.